Date: Wed, 29 May 1996 17:00:35 -0600 From: Ellen Johnson Subject: vowels for Bosnia I've been away for a couple of weeks. Forgive me if you've already seen this. Ellen >>>>> >>>>> CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA >>>>> Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients >>>>> >>>>>Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton >>>announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of >>>Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will >>>provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is >>>hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable. >>>>> >>>>>"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr >>>and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton >>>said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It >>>is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their >>>>>incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble >>>endeavour." >>>>> >>>>>The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is >>>set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and >>>Grzny slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each >>>carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force >>>Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities. >>>>> >>>>>Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels. >>>"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. >>>"I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to >>>me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family >>>just one 'E.' Please." >>>>> >>>>>If the initial airlift is successful, Clinton said the United States will >>>go ahead with full-scale vowel deployment, with C-130's airdropping >>>thousands more letters over every area of Bosnia. Other nations are >>>expected to pitch in as well, including 10,000 British "A's" and 6,500 >>>Canadian "U's." >>>>>Japan, rich in A's and O's, was asked to participate, but declined. >>>>> >>>>>"With these valuable letters, the people of war-ravaged Bosnia will be >>>able to make some terrific new words," Clinton said. "It should be very >>>exciting for them, and much easier for us to read their maps." >>>>> >>>>>Linguists praise the US's decision to send the vowels. For decades they >>>have struggled with the hard consonants and difficult pronunciation of most >>>Slavic words. "Vowels are crucial to construction of all language," an >>>Illinois Institute of Technology multimedia specialist said. "Without them, >>>it would be difficult to utter a single word, much less organize a coherent >>>sentence. Please, just don't get me started on the moon-man languages they >>>use in those Eastern European countries." >>>>> >>>>>According to the multimedia specialist who wished to remain anonymous, >>>once the Bosnians have vowels, they will be able to construct such valuable >>>sentences as: "The potatoes are ready;" "I believe it will rain." and "Can >>>you give me another box of ammo and a few grenades?" >>>>> >>>>>The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign >>>country since 1979. During the summer of that year, President Jimmy Carter >>>ordered the shipment of 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities >>>like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, >>>S's and T's. The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast >>>quantities of the letters were intercepted and horded by violent, gun-toting >>>warlords. >>>>> >>> >j >