Date: Mon, 9 Jan 1995 06:49:16 PST From: "Jim Ague, ague[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE], Col Spgs, CO" Subject: Re: Put Downs Regarding "not playing with a full deck", attached is a list I received in late 1991. -- Jim ----------------- [ In rec.humor.unfunny, they had a contest to collect all the phrases for saying, "he's not playing with a full deck." Here is the collection. ] A bad spot on the disk. A couple of open splices. A few bits shy of a word. A loose chip on the micro processor. A quart low. About as sharp as a sack of wet leather. All booster - no payload. All crown - no filling. An 8080 in a 68000 environment As thick as two short planks. Attic's a little dusty. Back burners not fully operating. Body by Fisher - brains by Mattel CPU not connected to the bus. Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat. Doesn't have all his dogs barking. Doesn't have all of his groceries in the same bag. Doesn't have all the dots on his dice. Driving with two wheels in the sand. Dumb as a box of rocks. Got a few tiles missing from his Space Shuttle. Got a screw loose. Got one boot stuck in the sand. Got the mental agility of a soap dish. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. Has a room temperature IQ. Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard. Hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain. Hasn't got enough sense to stay out in the rain. ('60s flower child) He ain't wrapped too tight. He has both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat! He is playing hockey with a warped puck He left the store without all of his groceries. He's about as smart as bait... He's dumber than a red brick. He's got a few wait states. He's got a mind like a steel trap - anything entering gets crushed and mangled He's got a mind like a steel trap -- full of mice. He's got a mind like a steel trap -- rusty and stuck closed. He's got the attention span of an overripe grapefruit. He's not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us! He's not running on full thrusters. He's paged-out. He's running at 400 baud He's swapped out. Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. His little red choo choo done jumped the track. His receiver is off the hook. His skylight leaks a little. How 'bout There's no wind in the windmills of his mind. If he had another brain, it'd be lonely. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week. It would be easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing! Judging by the old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you", s/he's practically invulnerable. Leads 3 & 4 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground. Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps. Nine pence in the shilling. No one at the throttle. Nothing between the stethoscopes. Oil doesn't reach his dipstick Only operating at about half a watt. Over the Rainbow Pin 8 is floating. Raw cookie dough. Renewable energy source for hot air ballons. Sailboat fuel for brains. Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong. Skating on the wrong side of the ice. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. Somebody else is doing the driving for that boy! Someone blew out his pilot light Surfing in Nebraska Teflon brain (nothing sticks) The caboose seems to be pulling the engine. The carnival has closed. The cheese has slid off his cracker. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. The synapses are about that far apart. Toys in the attic Vacancy on the top floor. Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains. Was napping in the nut pile the day that God was cracking nuts. Your clock doesn't have all its numbers.