Date: Fri, 9 Jan 1998 13:57:56 EST
From: CLAndrus CLAndrus[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]AOL.COM
Subject: Fwd: Kenneth and Patricia Langen langbro[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]sdcoe.k12.ca.us : Rules
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I thought everyone would enjoy this piece. Hope no one objects. Carol Andrus
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To: CLAndrus[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]AOL.COM
Date: Wed, 7 Jan 1998 22:40:26 -0800
Subject: Kenneth and Patricia Langen langbro[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]sdcoe.k12.ca.us : Rules
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From: Kenneth and Patricia Langen langbro[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]sdcoe.k12.ca.us
To: maryanne maryanneraphael[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]juno.com
Subject: Rules Grammar Change
Date: Wed, 07 Jan 1998 22:20:43 -0800
Message-ID: 34B4703B.6FD6[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]sdcoe.k12.ca.us
Thought you would want to know about the new changes in the language
Rules Grammar Change
WASHINGTON, DC--The U.S. Grammar Guild Monday
announced that no more will traditional grammar rules English
follow. Instead there will a new form of organizing sentences be.
U.S. Grammar Guild according to, the new structure loosely on
an obscure 800-year-old, pre-medieval Anglo-Saxon syntax is based.
The syntax primarily verbs, verb clauses and adjectives at the end of
sentences placing involves. Results this often, to ears American, a
sentence backward appearing.
"Operating under we are, one major rule," said Joyce Watters,
president of the U.S. Grammar Guild. "Make English, want we,
more archaic and dignified sounding to be, as if every word coming
from the tongue of a centuries-old, mystical wizard, is."
Brief pause Watters made then a. "Know I, know I," said she.
"Confusing sounds it, but every American used to it soon will be."
At a press conference recent greeted warmly the new measure
by President Clinton was.
"No longer will we adhere to the dull, predictable structure of
our traditional grammar system. This nation will now begin speaking,
writing and listening to something fresh, exciting and different,"
"Excuse me," added he pause long after a. "Meant I, the dull,
predictable system our traditional grammar of adhere to no longer will
we. Speaking, writing and listening to something fresh, exciting and
different will this nation now begin."
This week beginning, America across, all dictionaries,
thesauruses and any other books or objects with any sort of writing
upon it or in it revised to fit the new syntax will be. Libraries
people wish to that the transition promptly begin will, but that
patient people should be, as so much to change there is.
"Feel good it will make people to know for all these changes
that, librarians cold, crabby and as paranoid and
overprotective of their books and periodicals as ever remain will,"
said Yvonne Richter, Director of the Library of Congress.
The enthusiasm of government officials despite, many Americans
about the new plan upset are. "Why in the world did
they do this?" a New Canaan, CT, insurance salesman, said Brent Pryce.
"There's absolutely no reason. It's utterly pointless
and will cause total chaos throughout the country, not to mention the
fact that it will cost billions of dollars to implement. And
what's this U.S. Grammar Guild, anyway? I've never heard of it."
When of this complaint informed, government officials that they
could not the man's words understand said, because of
the strange, unintelligible way of speaking he was.
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