Date: Thu, 11 Apr 1996 14:34:00 -0600 From: Ellen Johnson Subject: a funny story Hey, y'all. I've been taking a short vacation from e-mail, but this motivated me to sign back on and perhaps brighten your day a bit. Ellen ejohnson[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE] >From: UMEM::DLPATTON i.e. dlpatton[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE] 8-APR-1996 09:53:16.71 >Subj: Jenni made me do it. > >Dr. Johnson, > >Jenni told me to e-mail this little story to you. > > THE DEMONSTRATIVES OF DREARYVILLE > > Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lived a family of four in a >land called Drearyville. This faraway land got its name because of a horrible >curse it would put on college students in a place called America in the distant >future. This particular family's name was the DEMONSTRATIVE family. There >were Father Demonstrative named Se, Mother Demonstrative named Seo, and their >two children, [thorn ash t] and [thorn a]. The children were born with thorns >in their heads that would last throughout their lives. It was very painful. > > Mr. and Mrs. Demonstrative couldn't bear to see their kids suffering so much, >so they decided to join them in their agony. They had heard of a new surgical >procedure called ANALOGY that could be used to insert THORNS into their heads, >and they will be able to relate to the children's pain. Well, Se and Seo went >to Grammar Methodist Hospital to have their S's LEVELED to thorns. The >children were deeply moved by this act of love. > > Somehow, President Bill INFLECTION got word of the story, and Mr. [thorn >e] Demonstrative was crowned GENERALIZED DEFINITE ARTICLE FOR ALL GENDERS, >NUMBER, AND CASES. He took this honor in stride, showing no signs of STRESS. >The more severely inflicted of the kids, [thorn ash t], was honored for her >bravery by being crowned DEMONSTRATIVE PRONOUN FOR ALL GENDERS AND CASES. >Because she was underage, this was for SINGULAR forms only. To lessen the pain >for the younger child, [thorn a], his "a" was rounded off to "o" and a smooth >"s" was added for extra support. > This is why the DEMONSTRATIVES ILLUSTRATE BETTER THAN ANY OTHER PART OF >SPEECH HOW ENGLISH HAS PROGRESSIVELY RID ITSELF OF GRAMMATICAL COMPLEXITIES. > >Tune in next time for more thrilling adventures in........NOUNSENSE! > >Dana