Date: Thu, 11 Apr 1996 14:36:22 -0600
From: Ellen Johnson EJOHNSON[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU
Subject: story, part 2
forwarded from dlpatton[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cc.memphis.edu
From: UMEM::DLPATTON 11-APR-1996 14:24:18.09
Here is the sequel to the Demonstratives
On the opposite side of Drearyville from the Demonstratives lived the
Noun family. There were Mr. Case, Ms. Gender (she kept her maiden name), and
Aunt Number along with her four children. One day, the entire family was
meandering through the hills on the way to a picnic while singing "The Hills
are Alive with the Sound of Progressive Simplification," when along came a
giant spaceship! Two alien robots emerged named Chaucer 1 and Syncopated Jim.
Chaucer 1 ordered Mr. Case to empty the picnic basket and hand over the
contents. Mr. Case emptied all the Dative singulars except for a few into the
robot's hands. The remaining ones were in the basket so long that they became
Syncopated Jim went through Mr. Case's pockets and stole all his weak
"es's," but accidentally dropped the s's back into the pocket. Chaucer 1
retreated back into the spaceship to visit the little robot's room,, so
Syncopated Jim continued to take over. He pointed a laser gun at Ms. Gender and
levelled the psychological and phonetic aspects of her grammatical gender by
destroying her inflectional endings.
That takes us to Aunt Number and Children 1, 2, 3, and 4. After
Syncopated Jim had taken care of Ms. Gender, two robot dogs came beeping out of
the spaceship. Their names were Masculine A and Neuter A. (Neuter A is no
longer able to procreate!) They had vacuum-like mouths that absorbed Middle
English nouns into their declensions. The children were left alone because
they each had a good excuse for why they shouldn't be absorbed. Child 1 said
that his declension compromised umlaut plural. Child 2 said that she had
neuter monosyllables with long stems having unchanged, or apparently unchanged,
plurals. Child 3 said that he had an N-stem and weak declension. Finally,
Child 4 said that he had double plurals. They grew up and lived happily ever
after in Modern Englishville.
See you Sunday!