Date: Thu, 11 Apr 1996 14:34:00 -0600
From: Ellen Johnson EJOHNSON[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU
Subject: a funny story
Hey, y'all. I've been taking a short vacation from e-mail, but this motivated
me to sign back on and perhaps brighten your day a bit.
Ellen ejohnson[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cc.memphis.edu
From: UMEM::DLPATTON i.e. dlpatton[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cc.memphis.edu 8-APR-1996 09:53:16.71
Subj: Jenni made me do it.
Jenni told me to e-mail this little story to you.
THE DEMONSTRATIVES OF DREARYVILLE
Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lived a family of four in a
land called Drearyville. This faraway land got its name because of a horrible
curse it would put on college students in a place called America in the distant
future. This particular family's name was the DEMONSTRATIVE family. There
were Father Demonstrative named Se, Mother Demonstrative named Seo, and their
two children, [thorn ash t] and [thorn a]. The children were born with thorns
in their heads that would last throughout their lives. It was very painful.
Mr. and Mrs. Demonstrative couldn't bear to see their kids suffering so much,
so they decided to join them in their agony. They had heard of a new surgical
procedure called ANALOGY that could be used to insert THORNS into their heads,
and they will be able to relate to the children's pain. Well, Se and Seo went
to Grammar Methodist Hospital to have their S's LEVELED to thorns. The
children were deeply moved by this act of love.
Somehow, President Bill INFLECTION got word of the story, and Mr. [thorn
e] Demonstrative was crowned GENERALIZED DEFINITE ARTICLE FOR ALL GENDERS,
NUMBER, AND CASES. He took this honor in stride, showing no signs of STRESS.
The more severely inflicted of the kids, [thorn ash t], was honored for her
bravery by being crowned DEMONSTRATIVE PRONOUN FOR ALL GENDERS AND CASES.
Because she was underage, this was for SINGULAR forms only. To lessen the pain
for the younger child, [thorn a], his "a" was rounded off to "o" and a smooth
"s" was added for extra support.
This is why the DEMONSTRATIVES ILLUSTRATE BETTER THAN ANY OTHER PART OF
SPEECH HOW ENGLISH HAS PROGRESSIVELY RID ITSELF OF GRAMMATICAL COMPLEXITIES.
Tune in next time for more thrilling adventures in........NOUNSENSE!